A cause worth fighting for
by crotia
Summary: His whole chest ached with the feeling of jealousy, self-doubt, insecurity and envy. He knew he wasn't fair or rational and that made self loathing come on top of it. A one shot about Ron's feelings. Why is Ron sometimes so thick headed and jealous? You read it here.


Hey, I only own the story idea. Ron and everything else from HP is J.K. Rowlings.

The picture is from the Harry potter movies. And there for owned by Warner Bross. I do not earn anything with it. The actor is Rupert Grint

**warning **Do not read when you already feel a little depressed. These are my feelings at my worst but a little exaggerated and altered to fit Ron. It is really angsty.

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Ron stared at the closed curtains of his bed. He knew he wasn't fair. He knew Harry didn't want to fight dragons. He knew he shouldn't feel like this. But he did. It was like a dark hole in his chest.

And it wasn't something new. It had been there the whole time, always. Sometimes everything was fine. Then he laughed with his friends or made fun with his brothers. But it never stayed, that happy feeling.

Sometimes he didn't even know where it came from but it was suddenly there. That hole. That slightly nauseous feeling in the back of his throat. And nothing would help against it.

If he played quidditch it would become even worse. Where at good moments he would feel on his best with the blissful feeling of wind in his hair. Now it would just rub in his face how utterly talentless he was. Telling him every wrong movement and how he never would be as good at playing as he wanted to.

Some people say ambition is a good thing. It makes you work to come up higher. But he always thought more of it as a curse. Always wanting to be better. Always wanting to reach higher but hardly ever getting there. Always being jealous at people who did reach it. Always wanting to be in the middle of the attention. But he never was.

His whole chest ached with the feeling of jealousy, self-doubt, insecurity and envy. He knew he wasn't fair or rational and that made self loathing come on top of it.

He thought of all the stupid things he had done. Moments he wanted to cut out of his life. But he couldn't. And he even couldn't stop making stupid mistakes.

Like last week when he had said something stupid and had hurt 'Mione. Why couldn't he just do things right? But no, he always managed to mess up.

And you know what? His chest still hurt. It had been like this already when he came to Hogwarts, but being constantly around the twins, Harry, Hermione and Draco made it worse.

He had always wanted more than he had. For some reason he couldn't be happy even though he knew he should be.

Or he became mad at his friends because they didn't agree with him. Then he felt left out, hurt and scared. But no one ever noticed how he felt. Everyone just thought he was a stubborn. And then he would damn himself for not being strong like his friends or family.

Often he sought something to give fault and get mad at. Than his friends received the end of his temper for something he wasn't even really mad at. But sometimes he just couldn't stand how mad he was at himself. Than he needed an outlet, anything, to make it hurt less. anything to make the self loathing go away.

But in the end he would just end up pushing away his friends. And he would hate himself for making that mistake again and he would be scared that his friends wouldn't want him back.

It all just hurt so much but there was no one he could talk to. Everyone would just think he was an attention seeking weak drama queen. Why couldn't he just be talented and happy like the others? But he wasn't, he was just Ron.

There were footsteps pounding into the dorm. "Ron!" He heard Harry yell. He sounded exited. The twins are pulling a joke on Snape in the great hall. Come down fast, maybe you can still see it.

Ron jumped out his bed and ran with Harry downstairs. The hole in his chest slightly better because Harry came all the way up here to let him enjoy the joke too. Maybe being happy didn't come to him easy like breathing, and maybe he needed to fight for it. But he would fight and he hoped that there would come a day that he didn't even remember the hole existed. Cause happiness is a cause worth fighting for.

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I hope you liked it. Tell me what you think.

Be glad if you are just happy and have no idea what I meant with the hole cause than your one of the people who don't have to fight for happiness. Be thankful.

If you are insecure, jalous, or have a hole. Keep fighting. Even if it isn't as bad as this. But you still need to fight it. cause it will help. Think happy thoughts, read a comic, hug someone you love or go chat with a friend.

And remember small things can do a lot. Last week I went to go to the toilet first and to my friends after that. When I arrived one of them moved her bag aside and said my name. I asked if there was something because she had said my name. She said she missed me because she had noticed I wasn't there. I just smiled because I didn't know what to say. She probably didn't even notice but I'm not going to forget the warm loved feeling in my chest any time soon. Just because she had really noticed my absence. If you have a friend who is a little insecure than don't let them be. Make sure he/she knows to be welcome. It can make world of difference.

**Someone pointed out to me that I had some not complete sentences. You know with words missing. I tried to filter them. If you see one still PM and I will work on it.**


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